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I shouldn’t be writing this at work in case I get all teary and unprofessional, but I’m in a drained state of mind that allows my emotions to surface. So at least over-tiredness is productive in one sense.
I miss arguing with you, trying to learn stuff by watching you, wondering why one wine tastes better than another, having a slab of butter melting in a burger you barbecued, your stubbornness, the worried brow, the bloody-mindedness, the golf swing, the purple saloon, getting greasy hands under the ol’ hillman, irish folk music.
I see you in my children, my brothers and my life.
I miss the single-minded determination that kept us together.
Mostly I wonder if you’d be proud of me
A mentally disturbed, possibly homeless man walked by me this morning chattering noisily to himself. I fantasised that he was talking on the phone to his executive coach using the latest in bluetooth beard technology. I need a holiday.
Throughout life, as you develop – or degenerate – things sometimes return for a second visit and you appreciate them differently, depending on current circumstances. In Douglas Adams’ classic comedy, “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”, I never quite understood why the book which the book is about had the words “Don’t Panic” inscribed in “large friendly letters” on its cover.
As a teenager I thought it strange, quirky and humorous: odd.
As an adult man, with a mortgage, working in a cyclic industry, thinking about starting a family, who reads widely about sub-prime meltdowns and global environmental breakdown, who gets nervous flying – I understand differently now…. great advice for being an adult.